Perhaps you already do this and I'm certain you’d enjoy it if you did: watch Strictly while using twitter to discuss it blow by blow, frock by frock, lift by stumble.
Now, if you do that during drama, if you do that during In Treatment, then you and I are going to have words. After the show. But in shiny floor entertainment, not only is it a genuine boon, last year it was often all that made Strictly worth watching.
This year, things are much better so tweeting isn’t necessary and in fact if you’ve been affected by the subjects discussed in this blog, please contact the helpline on @wgallagher.
But this week I was off. Away. I’m getting reluctantly used to missing episodes of It Takes Two when necessary, I’m itchy but acceptant about delaying watching the main show if Angela’s away or we’re off together. But this week it was me, gone, away, off. By heart-wringing agreement, Angela was left to watch Strictly without me.
And to text me with Very Unhelpfully Tantalising Not To Say Cruel messages.
Such as this one. I’m in a pub. It’s work, okay? I’m not enjo - well, I am, alright, but It’s Kind of Work, and I get the familiar throb over my heart as the iPhone in my shirt pocket vibrates this text at me: “How did Brendan do that with his waistcoat?”
Followed by “Not a great music choice.”
I tell you, after a few of these it is entirely possible that I was chatting with you in that bar and wouldn’t know.
“Vincent has the cutest son.”
Okay. Okay. This has all been by text, it’s all been direct texts from Angela to me. But I’ve still got twitter. Yes, yes, thanks, mine’s a Coke on the rocks, I’ll be with you in a sec.
“I just realised, Kara’s paso dress is the same as Alesha’s AMAZING FLYING CAPE DRESS! I need to get out more” @PadsterMo
“Well that took the sex right out of the Argentine Tango” @gibbzer
Wait, Angela’s back texting: “How do they do those eyes on Jimi?”
Thanks for the Coke, I need a whisky chaser now.
Flashforward to the results show and my beloved Angela texts me on my train home saying: “Shock - I didn’t expect them to go!”
Angela: “Did I tell you we had the first 10s of the series?”
Here’s what I’ve learnt from the weekend. I have yet to see one dance, one vote, one frock and this is all bad.
It’s rather fundamentally bad and it must be stopped, I must watch our Sky+ recording immediately.
But on the good side, it was by far the most tantalising and tense Strictly I’ve ever not watched.
Next week, we continue the science experiment by attempting to watch The X Factor without drinking.